So I get bored, and go out drinking.

It's not that I don't mind The Vet. He's basically a nice guy, a regular, I know who he is. He rarely, if ever, speaks to me, and only then when he's already trashed. And by trashed, I mean so loaded I mostly have no idea what he's saying because he slurs so badly. But it's fun talking with him. And I am the sort that I like to talk to people.

There's very few times where I'm like, "You're way to drunk for me to go home with you." I never want to be someone's regret, and besides, I'd like to avoid that myself. When it comes down to it, it'll be what I said before - "I could fuck other people but who I'm thinking of is you". And it's purposely nebulous, because the "you" changes from time to time. There's three or four people who are the "you".

I suppose it's sad that I have a list of people like that, but I can't help it. If I had a boyfriend, maybe I wouldn't need this list, but it's not a sure list by any means. Most of the time, I end up not with anyone because I just don't. But there's a part of me that wishes that the sex was regular. That is all that I really want, at this point. I've given up any pretense of being someone's girlfriend, just because I can't be - I can't be the person society wants me to be because I am who I am.

I'm an asshole at times and I very well know that. Take now for instance. I'm still drunk, a condition that I haven't had in YEARS. I am both amused and saddened by it. My jaw still hurts but I don't care. I've somehow left my debit card at the bar. But really, there's nothing I care about at this point in time.