Today's Random Thing

My horoscope at Astrocenter.com:

Mars and Venus continue to move along together in your sign, which is making you star of the show all round. No matter where you are, whether at a party, cooking in the kitchen, or out shopping, you seem to have the ability to turn heads. If you have a lot to organize to make Christmas fun and enjoyable for your family and friends you will certainly not lack helpers. One glance from those hypnotic eyes will get you everything you require and more. Mars and Venus also square Jupiter, which places you very firmly in the limelight. You are not going to hide away, and do not intend to be secretive about anything, which your usual friends might find confusing. At parties or community affairs you really shine at this time, which is doing wonderful things for your image all round. Jupiter continues to trine Pluto in your house of money and personal finances, and this is allowing you to be extravagant, knowing that there is plenty more cash in the pipeline. Lovers flock around you and sing to your tune. You are going to feel wonderful, just as though Christmas has been put on especially for your pleasure. You are in for a tremendous amount of happiness - spread it around.

I don't have anything to say about this, except I hope it's all true.

Random

I'm The James Bond Villain Personality Test!

I live in a fictional world of spies and blonde women with ridiculous names, and I like to give people plenty of options. Although whether they're villainous is not optional.

Click here to find out which test you are!

Problems

When you feel the sunset, when you feel the rain, when you feel the wind, then you will know. When you feel the seething hatred drip off a person and puddle on the ground, then you will know. When you feel the euphoria of a small child's joy, then you will know. Until then, I remain alone in my world. I remain alone in a place where the wind whispers secrets and the wisened trees talk. I remain alone in a realm where thoughts are not expressed but felt, the brain laid bare for firing thoughts. Your concious is nothing but electrical impulses that can be heard and felt with enough concentration. To think you're alone in this world is to ignore the fact that someone in the room can feel what you're thinking. To think you have a tough time is to ignore those long passed, those who are but a shallow memory in the world, those who know the true value of living since they lack it. Whatever your life is now, it won't always be and whatever your past was is what you think you were feeling at that time. Thought is fluid, expanding, contracting, dissapating, coagulating. Here or there, it matters not where it ends up. But by alone I mean that The Secrets are given to me one by one and while I am alone on one level, there's others I'm not. Something creepy, something seen, what remains of the energy, is there and will always be. To the normal person I am a loner and will always be so until the day that my brain is wiped clean of this gift or the whole world suddenly opens their minds. But alas, it is just a dream I have, to be me, to be poet, to be free, to put pen to paper and wish you a dream come true. I imagine it all for it's crazy to think that I am intimate with every molecule of rain, every particle of wind, that seething hatred covers them with layer of slick mucousy slime that drips off their body and leaves a horrible stench in the air. What if we all kept our child's imagaination and grew up to be imaginative adults? Until that day I am alone....

A Strange Rambling

Maybe I just hold other people to the same irrational and too-high expectations that I hold myself to. Or maybe when you live in a world where people always say one thing and do another, you tend to be skeptical about everything someone says. How nice to be ignorant of actions and see only words. Or maybe it's just time to stop pretending like I'm normal. I've always fantasized about doing that but actually have never done so. It's so hard for me to admit for anything abnormal about myself. I am normal...don't you see it? C'mon, believe me, I'm normal. Really, I am. I am so normal...that I'm not normal. Most times I feel like I'm just taking the parts that people consider normal and shape my personality around that. What do you think is normal? Well, I'm that....

Your head is like a chest -- some are ornate, hand-carved and lovely looking, others are just simple trunks with nothing fancy. That never matters though. It's what's inside that counts. Once the chest is opened, there's no telling what you'll find. At the top is loose papers, a myriad of daily, weekly, monthly thoughts. Some papers have the same things written on them, over and over again. Others are unique in some way. But they're just loose papers. Once those are removed, there's notebooks and journals, maybe even papers in folders, somehow bound together, the things that are thought of and upon regularily but not part of the common thoughts. Small memories, jovial stories, jokes, embarassing moments, that kind of thing. Once you've gone through those and set them aside, you're ready for the really important things. These are trinkets, photo albums, lock boxes, jewelery boxes...the things that one may or may not think about, may or may not realize that they think about, concious and unconcious thoughts. Someone with a lock box usually has secrets that they don't even know they have, things that they've bundled up so tight that to even admit to themselves that it's there will freak them out. And as life goes on, those objects get shuffled around, some papers get lost, some trinkets are given away. The items change with experience.

Every chest can be opened. Most have no locks. Every lock box can be opened too -- it just depends on the amount of prying you're willing to do. Some lock boxes come with keys taped to the lid. Others are made out of expensive locks that take longer to break into. But it can be done.

I have this problem that I only go by someone's actions rather than their words. I don't assume people are my friends unless they treat me friendly. I don't assume someone's my enemy unless they've given me reason to think so. I don't assume anyone loves me unless their actions support their words. Otherwise, how am I to know? I am normal, right? Isn't that what normal people do? Isn't that what normal people are supposed to do? It doesn't happen like that from what I've observed. Or, at least, it doesn't seem to work that way. It doesn't matter that you truly mean the sentiment that you're saying at the moment, it's in your actions, isn't it?

Or am I just crazy that way? I guess I'll never know....

Randomness

My horoscope from Astrocenter.com:

You continue to be in top form in many ways. You have a certain something that is very attractive, and makes others want to engage with you, whether this is in terms of business, pleasure, or merely to strike up a conversation. Mercury aspects both Mars and Venus in your own sign, and this helps you to focus on saying the right things at the right time. If you need to get your message across, do so over the course of this week, when you will have maximum impact. This goes for any kind of message, whether a sales presentation, a speech or lecture or perhaps a necessary talk that you need to have with another. If you have some persuading to do, you will be at your best, charming, ever so charming, but forceful enough to get your point home. Your love life revolves around 'your' plans, ideas, and your ego. If you don't like the way the game is played, then you will be more than happy to say so, in no uncertain terms. On the one hand, if you find things very pleasing, there is no end to the amount of trouble you will go through, to continue to have a good time. A Full Moon in your house of passion and intensity brings an interesting decision your way.

Hmmm. This is a rather interesting horoscope...because I'm already feeling this way. There's a few things I want to say to people, especially since I'm getting sick of "I'll say one thing but do another" tactic. If there's ever one piece of good advice an asshole friend ever gave me, it was "be honest with yourself". And that makes sense. It really doesn't matter if you're honest with other people or not, just know who/what you are and don't be afraid to admit it to yourself. But sometimes a person will come along and call you on it; don't be afraid to admit it to them either. I am not a nice person. I can be downright cruel if I expend any energy for it. Sometimes I say mean things in a joking way but I'm really not kidding because I'm annoyed by it. And I hate to be ignored. I have this problem with people constantly obsessing over their distractions and then apologizing for ignoring me, because, you see, they really wanted to spend time with me. Forget it. A long, long time ago I decided -- no, vowed -- that I would do my best to entertain myself and not be dependant upon others for my amusement. And if someone was going to be distracted by things -- books, computers, video games, drugs -- then I didn't have to put up with that. And throughout my life, it's always been one of those things that make people ignore me. In fact, I know people that have done more than one of those things. There's no sense in wasting my time when it's valuable. So then I distract myself, and if suddenly then you want to pay attention to me, well, you're going to have to wait until I am done. There's a proper time for doing things. I'm not an attention hog; there are times where I don't care if someone's doing something other than paying attention to me. It's just when I want attention, I would like to recieve it. Especially since I don't ask for it often. I guess that's what bugs me; I don't ask for someone to pay attention to me very often so when I want attention, apparently they think it can wait. Oh, well, does it really matter anymore? I guess not. I guess it never matters, one of those things I just have to expect and get over. I just can't help feeling hurt, but I really should get over that too. Maybe I'm the one with the fault....

And Now For Something Random...

How To Be Bar Mouse Without Really Trying

A typical conversation in The Palace Of Rock:
"So...what's your name?"

"Mouse."

"Mouse?...Aww, c'mon, what's your real name?"

"I do have a real name. Here I'm 'Mouse'. You can call me Mouse."

Always pay. Always be jovial. And don't heckle the band too much. Be pleasant, don't barf on the floor, and never spill your beer. It always helps to have writing and/or reading inplements. Keep to yourself, but don't be afraid to join in conversations or reject anyone who talks to you (with the exception of creepy dirty old men...and young, cute men who act like dirty old men don't count!). Never raise a stink at last call. Leave at last call and attempt to get everyone to go with you.

Work Can Be Amusing

Over the loudspeaker: "Paging Rob, your cat is here..." At least, that's what it sounded like. I sat there for a moment, and not wanting to really work and share the amusement, I turned to my coworker and said, "Did you just hear that announcement? It sounded like he said 'cat'." He said, "Yeah, that's what I thought he said too..." and then we cracked enough jokes until we were in stitches. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Like, the cat's pacing around the lobby and saying, "You better get him down here RIGHT NOW." It has to be one pissed off cat to come to work to bother his owner. This poor Rob guy's coworkers are trying not to laugh, and as he walks by, they're like, "It's your cat again, isn't it, Rob?" and Rob replies "Yes" as he tries to slink out of the office to go see what his cat wants while his coworkers are giggling in his wake and saying, "Man, that's really pussywhipped...."

How To Have Too Much Fun

Programs that let you draw, even better if there's more than one person doodling. I have a picture that two of my friends and I worked on...it was pretty funny. You can get some interesting results. A friend and I were doodling and came up with some of the most interesting depictions of Christmas symbols lit on fire. Because it just isn't Christmas unless it's lit on fire.

And now I must go. I've been listening to music and I think I have to go make a CD. I hate this utter addiction to music. (Well, not really....)