Happy Fucking Birthday To Me

The one thing I will miss, and will probably miss forever, is that Auntie Pillow would always take my dad and me out for our birthdays.  So many memories.  I miss the random lunches with her.  I miss going to festivals with her.  I think that this will be first year that I haven't thrown myself into so many projects that I don't have time to think so that now I have time to think.  And it's sad that I have to post this here because otherwise there will be excessive worry and it's kind of annoying because I like to share my thoughts but I always have to be guarded because then there will be excessive attention and I hate that much attention.  I'm okay, really, just let me get through it.  But I will so miss her and everything else, and right now I just wish I lived on an island alone and that I don't have feelings for people because apparently I can't manage my own feelings and I'll never be sensible about it and that really sucks because it would be nice to have friends that actually understand but sometimes that's a tall order, and I curse myself for believing people when they say that they take things seriously but then they don't, not really, not by any stretch of the imagination.  So I'll just have another margarita because tequila's been the only thing that's really ever been for me because there will never not be a moment in my life where I'm not lonely.