Les Dangereux from RedForty on Vimeo.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I can see you as a father, as a husband, as a lover.
Just when I decided to give up on that. A hearty "fuck you" to dating, marriage, that shit. A nice thing that invariably I'll lose or fuck up, so it makes no sense to have one. Live my life with as much fun as possible. Move to Chicago.
But then...I make myself think of reality. You have no job. You don't support yourself, really. I can't help liking you; we're alike in some really, really good ways. But I don't know, because of reality. I don't want this to turn into some horrible thing. When/If it ends, I want it to be nicely. I don't want it to end, but it's one of those things...life is always changing, and nothing lasts forever. Because of this, I really don't want to set my life up around you or the expectation of spending time with you. It's really nice and all, but I can't bet on the future. Half of me wants to call you up and say, "Well, it's been nice and all, and thank you for the attention, but we should go our separate ways before it gets serious and harder to break up", and the other half wants to suggest marriage. I hate feeling this conflicted over something so stupid. "Self," I say, "it's only been about three months. Too soon for serious. Eventually you'll run away anyway, or he will, and then you'll be back square one again." I try to keep reminding myself that this is just for now because the future is uncertain and to not think about the future right now. Things happen, life happens, shit happens, and then you start all over again.
Although it did amuse me - "How long have you been dating him?" "Oh, about 2 and a half months." "Oh, so for awhile then?" Awhile? Hell, for me that's just barely.
Just when I decided to give up on that. A hearty "fuck you" to dating, marriage, that shit. A nice thing that invariably I'll lose or fuck up, so it makes no sense to have one. Live my life with as much fun as possible. Move to Chicago.
But then...I make myself think of reality. You have no job. You don't support yourself, really. I can't help liking you; we're alike in some really, really good ways. But I don't know, because of reality. I don't want this to turn into some horrible thing. When/If it ends, I want it to be nicely. I don't want it to end, but it's one of those things...life is always changing, and nothing lasts forever. Because of this, I really don't want to set my life up around you or the expectation of spending time with you. It's really nice and all, but I can't bet on the future. Half of me wants to call you up and say, "Well, it's been nice and all, and thank you for the attention, but we should go our separate ways before it gets serious and harder to break up", and the other half wants to suggest marriage. I hate feeling this conflicted over something so stupid. "Self," I say, "it's only been about three months. Too soon for serious. Eventually you'll run away anyway, or he will, and then you'll be back square one again." I try to keep reminding myself that this is just for now because the future is uncertain and to not think about the future right now. Things happen, life happens, shit happens, and then you start all over again.
Although it did amuse me - "How long have you been dating him?" "Oh, about 2 and a half months." "Oh, so for awhile then?" Awhile? Hell, for me that's just barely.
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