Cat Guys.

When I think about it, I seem to attract a lot of guys who have cats. They're generally nice guys, a few have the occasional bout with assholeness, but on the whole, decent human beings. I've gone to guy's houses for a romp or two, and it turns out that almost everyone's got cats.

Which would be no big deal, except that I'm HIGHLY ALLERGIC to cats. I mean, we're talking can-take-an-allergy-pill-and-it-never-works-around-cats kind of highly allergic. If I've been drinking, there's a point at which I Must Leave NOW, Or Be Subject To Puking Bile.

This is why, no matter how rational I can be about lots of things, I believe in God/Deity. Because there is no way that almost every time, I keep running into guys who have cats who will find me marginally attractive enough to sleep with me. And if they don't have cats currently, it's because they can't afford it, but once they can, they're gonna get one. It's not that I hate cats; I love LOLcats and pictures of kitties, and will stare at all the cute cats available for adoption on the WI Humane Society's website with longing. I just can't be around them.

This is further evidence of a Sky Fairy Fucker, to go along with the gay guy, that if he wasn't gay or I was a guy, we'd at least get along pretty good dating-wise, because we're a lot alike.

I fucking give up. I can't win. I'll spend a good portion of my life alone, and if I ever make an income that will allow me to have a child without being coupled, I'm going for it, because I'll never win at this. Never.

Not Again.

You nasty, stupid sky fairy fucker.

At least have the decency to have her miscarry and not go through this gray area shit again.

I just hope the best for her.

"Was it something I said?"

I hope that you really believe me that it was not something you said/did, because it wasn't. It really was the presence of a cat - I'm highly allergic, and if I had stayed, it would have progressed to me puking up bile and being unable to move from your bathroom floor, gripping the toilet in sheer agony and begging you to shoot me. I guess, just in case I run into you again, that I'm just going to have to take allergy pills before I go to the bar. For what it's worth, I would have liked to stay, but at that point, I really had to leave or face getting so sick that I'd have to go to the ER.

But it was fun, and worth the risk of an allergy attack.

Sometimes I wonder about myself.

Because I am human, I have this slavish tendency to want attention, yet I don't want attention, because I will always shy away from it. I do know that it's a product of my upbringing, but still, it's very strange and paradoxical.

Life is, however, paradoxical. There's no way around it.

We seek to be individuals, yet we seek out other people who believe exactly as we do. It's the pull of being collectively individualistic. There's never really been anywhere that I fit in, and that sucks.

Sears: 70% Clearance, Wife Berating Free

So I went to Sears today, to buy some clothing cheap. As I was shopping:

- Old Man and Old Woman were walking along the main aisle, carrying a pillow. I have no idea who started the needling, but when I was in earshot, he was picking on her. "Oh, we're not going to buy that. You don't need any more damn stuff. Don't look at that, we're not going to buy it. Stop going over there." She just wanted to look at something. Then she started picking at him. "The corner isn't firm. Doesn't it say that this is firm? You didn't get the right thing!"

When I see couples like this, sometimes I wonder if people actually form parasitic relationships with their partners. It's almost like they have to needle each other otherwise they have nothing to do.

- Didn't see the couple, but I heard them. "What the hell is that?" "What?" "That!" "Hey, look, you said-" "I didn't say anything!"

Bar Mouse was trying to fucking concentrate on adding up her purchases to see if she was over her shopping limit, but wanted to step up to them and just say, "I'm sorry, you'll just have to take this outside." Not that I'm mean, but after the first one, my patience was used up.

- And the grand finale: "There is NO WAY I'm holding your purse! NO! Not even FOR A MINUTE! You know what we call a guy who holds a purse on my block? A FAG!"

You do know, sir, that holding your wife's/girlfriend's purse will not, in fact, shrink your testicles. In actuality, the fact that you would be holding your opposite sex partner's purse would seem to indicate that you are not, as you so charmingly told the whole fucking store, A FAG. I would also like to point out that there is another group stereotypically known for creating drama in public places. They would be known as "homosexual males", or in your vernacular, FAGS. I would even venture to guess that creating drama in a store by homosexual males would have more correlation as a stereotype than homosexual males holding their wives'/girlfriends' purses.

You know what we call a guy on my block who refuses to hold his partner's purse when she's shopping? A DOUCHEBAG.

Dear Me,

Stop being a dumbass. You will never recapture what you had, and nobody's interested in your sad little stories. Time to get over yourself. No one cares.

Love,
The Stupid Drunk At The Bar