Remembrance.

I remember. I remember things that I haven't thought of in years, things that I just could not recall. Intellectually, I knew that they happened, and in a way, I did remember them, but not the actual memory. It's been more like a web page that comes up, and you know there's an image there, but it doesn't load. You know something's there, but you can't see it.

But I remember. I remember the Norfolk Pine we had, I think it's name was Norman. We had that tree for YEARS. We made jokes about it, treated it like a member of the family. I remember the night where two friends were being completely obnoxious and pretending to have sex in my car at a very loud volume. Oh, that car! At least it was kind enough to break down near payphones. I remember the shoe incident, and how angry I was at BOTH of them. I remember Lava Java, the pool table...and the night that I think a guy swiped a five from me. I remember "I saw that you staring at the chess board." I remember sitting on the street with Cat Eyes and smoking a not-cigarette, her laughing and saying, "This is really cool". I remember twisting my ankle when I got out of the car to put a note in Asshat's mailbox. I remember talking to the oldest nephew when he was baby, sucking on his bottle and just staring at me as I talked to him. I remember the time that ExFiancee and I went to babysit him, he was about 3 then, I think, and he spent TWO HOURS just entertaining us. All we did was sit there and watch him. I remember playing a slapping card game and my friend had to go get ice for her hand because I slapped too hard. I remember lightly coating the burger with pudding to see if the Nemisis would notice. I remember "Hey, Cool it man" and "He tried to kill me with a forklift!" and a thousand and one other bits of silliness, stop signs painted with smiley faces in shoe polish. Oh, god, I remember the "Will you marry me?" when ExFiancee found the Optimus Prime, complete with my mom rolling her eyes and sighing, because I'm probably the lamest person on the planet. I remember Open Forum and the tape recorder and "Can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding", and the notes, oh I remember those, but I'd like not to think of those, because really, how could a person be so evil and so good at the same time? And the guy who missed his bus, how I gave him a ride to the bus stop, or the poor guy who I gave bread and jelly to to feed his children because I didn't have cash. And who got puked on. I remember absinthe. I remember when Cuz and ExFiancee were drinking, parents gone, and we trying to get him drunk, and we got REALLY plastered instead. Oh holy hell, that was funny when the 'rents came home and we just talking and out of NOWHERE, I puked on the carpet. I didn't even feel it coming, no warning. And my dad, the most awesome guy in the universe, just cleaned it up like it was nothing. Heh, and then Cuz passing out on the bathroom floor, and my mother just shoving her aside to pee...and the two of us, Cuz and me, our heads together and puking. I remember trying different liquors with my friend and my mom when they went through Ye Olde Liquor Cabinet. I remember the combination of ExFiancee and my mom and FIRE. God, I remember so much.

It's like a fog has been lifted and I can remember things, good funny things, not just those horrible days. They don't play on a loop anymore. It's strange, exciting, and really fucking funny, when I think of all those bizarre things. I don't want to go back to the fog, and I'm terrified I will. I haven't felt this good in ages.