I still don't believe that they let me have my profile up at the dating website. It is silly, but I guess if I'm not breaking any major rules, then why not?

I'm quite amused at their question generator...well, amused and occasionally horrified. A lot of it is crap that I consider just silly questions to start conversations. There was one question about looking up someone's information on the internet, when you had enough information on them.

The truth is, you could look them up, but if they really are a stranger killer, they may not have any records to go by. A lot of serial killers didn't have regular run-ins with the law. Heck, there was a child-eating guy in Oklahoma (I think it was) who had a blog. Nothing on his blog indicated that he would veer into child eating. There was one cryptic post he had, about thinking about doing bad things, but anyone reading it would probably have not guessed that he wanted to kill and eat a 3 year old girl.

A lot of people freaked out at my answer, but mostly because I think that people want to believe that there's an extra layer of security by using the internet. There isn't. I have four different user names on the internet, two related, and two not related to any other names. My real name doesn't bring up anything except some genealogical records. I have no police record. I could be someone who goes out and kills people, and you wouldn't know it, because my record is clean. Every day, people get away with murder.

But let's look at those chances, because if we talk about rape and murder, it's a far different story that what people think. Most rapes go unreported. If you're trying to find out if that guy is rapist, good luck, because chances are his victims didn't report it, and even less likely that they prosecute. Also, most rapes occur with someone the victim knows and trusts. As for domestic violence, you may or may not see anything to indicate that, precisely because a victim may or may not take any action, may drop charges, or for any reason that people don't report these things. For murder, well, people get away with murder all the time. People disappear. It's much more likely that person you know will kill you (see: domestic violence) than a random stranger. It's also possible that someone could be lying completely about their identity.

I'm not saying that there aren't crazies out there. There are. But the chances of random violence at the hands of a stranger are far rarer than the plain old garden variety violence by people you know. And looking up someone's record or searching their name on the internet doesn't guarantee that you will ever find these things out. If they haven't been caught yet, you're shit out of luck.

The real crazies aren't going to be wearing signs stating that they are crazy, just like there isn't a way to know if a guy will rape you or not. There's no magic word or ritual that will ward them away. But even if it's not about murder, and just about general sketchiness, if someone gives you those vibes, then maybe you should not consider them as a potential partner and just write them off. People like to justify it for their safety, but it's an invasion of privacy. You might learn something about someone that they didn't want you to know right then. I don't think people have to be 100% honest with each other. (For an example, I'd never tell a prospective partner about what ExFiancee or Asshat did. Maybe, given years and years and years, I might say something. I don't consider it important for the prospective partner to know. I can explain myself fine without bringing it up.) And if you keep having relationships with creeps and sketchy people, where you look up their records first before anything else, then you might want to re-evaluate the relationship thing. It might not be for you.

A long time ago, an IRC friend taught me the value of internet privacy, while scaring the complete shit out of me. He looked up all of my personal information, gleaned from an email that I had sent him, and then proceed to freak me the fuck out with telling me that information. A lesson learned indeed. (I hate my work email, which has my FULL name. Most people are professional and reasonable, but you never know when someone's going to lose the conductor on the Crazy Train, and I so hope that that doesn't happen.) It was a lesson I later relearned, as I hadn't thought to look up my email user name on Google, which led to here. (Note to Self: use tertiary email addy. It brings up cupcake recipes and art projects. Also, someone else's social networking sites.) It's why I'm glad that I have more than one user name, that people can't do that with my other emails or nom de internets. But I have an awesome one that I think I'm going to start using, and if anyone gets the reference, I'll congratulate them for being awesome.

Teh Interwebs: Fucking Over the Fucked Up, One Creep At A Time.