Stop Me While I'm Ahead

I've found the inner writing voice but I can't stop writing and a million and one thoughts plus infinity float and whirl around in my head until it shorts out and I have to listen to music but I can't stop listening to music because I only listen to the same six songs that are permanantly stuck in my head. I'm a junkie, an addict, of writing, of music, of caffine, of nicotine, of alcohol and at any one time I do them all or just one just to placate the thoughts in my head but it doesn't seem to work and I know that I've got to find a new outlet but the one I'd want to choose requires a risk that is unhealthy to take and I told myself that I would stop doing that. I want to break free of the same song and dance and when I feel that I'm close to breaking through the mire that I'm knee deep in the sands just swallow me back up again and I hit the wall with a resounding thud so loud that people turn around and stare at me as if I'm some sort of freak which I really think that I am but I don't want to admit such things because I'm better off as well as you if both of us conceede that I'm normal even though neither one of us are. The thoughts in my head circle around and around until I want to scream from sheer annoyance or boredom or hate or some other silly emotion that I feel because I'm the master of circular arguement which I learned because it's just another way of being a smart ass or a dumbass and at this moment I'm not sure which I am but I'll let you know when I've figured it out but I doubt that I will if the circular whirlwind continues. This whirlwind makes me crazy and I laugh at the candy ravers and potheads and acid freaks and anyone else with an addiction because I have my outlets which is to obsessively write poetry about light and dark and my preference for the latter because it is in the night that I am in my element which leads me to believe that I'm not normal although we've been over that one before. I'm suspicious that I'm just plain evil and the harsh light of day magnifies times a million all of the things that are wrong with me and the world and sun burns shame into my soul even though I have not done anything wrong and I am quite like the other failures that grace this neighborhood but the night soothes my gentle soul into a dreamworld where I can revel in the coolness of night as the breeze envelopes my psyche so that I can heal once again. It's almost like one of those role playing video games except that it's real life and it sucks like that because all I want to do is to stop the whirlwind of thoughts that circle around in my head but I'm addicted to writing, to music, to caffine, to nicotine, to alcohol but I can't seem to shake these obsessive outlets because there's only one thing I really want but I can't find it but I shouldn't look for it because it will just be too risky even for me so I guess that I will continue to write and drink coffee and smoke and drink tequila until the day comes where I haven't a thought in my head.