Not Even A Nugget

I saw John at the Palace of Rock. I was all the way at the other end of the bar. I hoped he wouldn't see me but he did. Bastard. I ordered my shot of tequila and walked over to him. I should have stayed at my end of the bar. He kept talking about nothing in particular...and by that I mean himself. I don't care enough to know that much about him anymore. He's inept and it embarasses me that I even liked the son of a bitch. What in God's name was I thinking? But as I think of it, as I read my book of random musings from last year, I knew what he was and what would happen. I feel so cheated. Why on earth can't I ever believe my own intuition?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend is getting married. I'm so happy for her. Two of my friends are pregnant. I'm really happy for them. The Ex has a new girlfriend now. I'm happy for him. Why isn't anyone as happy for me when something nice happens to me? I put up with so much jealousy that I don't know what friends are really anymore. I'm not jealous of anyone...I want them to be happy. I wish the best for them. I feel cheated if I think about it so I don't. I'm happy for them regardless of how I've ever been treated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today an old memory sparked its way into my head. I was twelve or thirteen. I liked fruit punch soda and my parents would buy it for me. Little did they know that I was pouring vodka into it, a little at a time. Then I got scared and vowed never to touch liquor until I was twenty-one. I did occasionally have the spiked egg nog at Christmas but it tasted pretty bad so I don't really count that. Even when I was legal, I never went out and drank. That is, until I met John. Fuck you -- I mean, Thank you, John. Bastard. He remarked that to me yesterday...last year around this time, we drank every night for a month and a half. Now I laugh at him. I'm way more well known...and loved...and given free beer to at the bar. I'm the Bar Mouse. It's not just a title; it's a job. (Description: Audience of One.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I missed Classic Country. They're going to kill me. (Not really, but it'll be close.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the plus side to all of this, we have bacon AND spinich in the house, so I can make a hot bacon dressing for the spinich. Mmmmm. Tasty.