A Note

Dear James,

It's been a really long time since I wrote you but one day I randomly saw someone from childhood...Hosea. Yeah, what a shock that was, not to mention other things which I believe I dicussed with you last time I saw you. You know. Anyway, he said that he had met you and that you had told him all about everything...which I find hard to believe. You know me well, James, but not that well...oh, wait, you do. Well, it's not like I can help it either you freak, I just have to talk to someone and the Liar just isn't the person, which you oh so elequently pointed out to me. Oh, and little Cosmic has gotten better. The Artist is better too, though he's slipped a bit. And I made a new friend...Beady Eyes. She's not that bad...as long as she's on the upswing, if you catch my drift, I'm sure you do. Why do I attract the crazies? I'll never know. The reluctant prophet. That should bring you a good laugh, dear friend. Hey, guess what I'm listening to..."Facing the Wall"....hehehe..."Facin' the wall / feeling lonely / but it offers me a place to cry unseen / facin' the wall / feeling lonely / I can't face the room with all these shattered dreams...". I love that song. You know why. How much heartbreak should a woman take before it gets worse than crying in her beer? And even worse than that...I can't listen to Eminem...."We're out of our medicine / out of our minds / we want in yours / let us in...". Yeah, I've been okay. Got problems though, and I'm sure you can guess what they are related to. I'll give you three guesses...No, not him....No, not him....No, not him, never in a million years. Yeah, add one to list, pretty soon I'll be able to have my own trading cards...hehehe. There's a difference though. I like this one. Yeah, yeah, I liked the ones before, but I really like this one....and no, don't you dare bring up that "L" word again. I'm determined to leave that out of it, after you know who. I'm not, in case you were wondering...the term I used is "like" so leave it there. I'm just afraid it's another "I like you more than you like me" things and you know how I get about that. I'm sure I'll look back and laugh at some point, but not now. This makes it what, three times this has happened? Oh, by the way, Hosea brought up "Wicked" and that irked me some, because I believe that there was an agreement never to bring it up. I'm not all that mad, though, because he picked up on it immediately, or so he says because I'm very sure that's how you told it to him. But who knows...Hosea knew me well enough. Still kind of does and it's been years, and it's creepy yet comforting. And I know what you'd say to that horoscope of mine: "Bold? God, you're practically dykish already! Bold's the last thing you need..." but you know I'm a total chicken when it comes to feelings. After all, how long did it take me to 'fess up to John? Months? And I knew I'd regret it. You even knew and you tried to stop me. I'm surprised you did that...after all, between you and me, we both know about that horrible self-destructive streak I have, and you usually let me go through it. I guess this one was pretty bad...and it's always getting worse. You know me..."What little voice in my head?"...and you know about me being gracious to the point where I should wear a sign that says "Doormat". Hosea wondered about that...wondered what happened. Maybe I'll save that conversation for some other time, another letter. But you already know, I suppose. Well, I've got to go...time for coffee and Tiki. Maybe I'll come up with a solution to my predicament. Chances are...not, but hey, I can always hope. Give my love to Cisily and crew, write back soon, and I promise to write more often...I swear.....