Sometimes It Sucks

I haven't really been writing here much. It's poetry season for me. So I pull out and dust off all of the bitter resentments I have and write beautiful touching poetry, the kind that makes you want to jump off a bridge in glory. Forget about happiness. I prefer to write good depressing poetry. Most depression-written poetry is sad poetry, not just in feeling but also in subject matter. There's a million words and degrees of feeling depressed and I want to write about every one of them. The down side to this is that I get really depressed. I suppose it would help if I wasn't depressed about a few things to begin with. I'm also frustrated with a few things, so that adds a bit to my sour moods. Yesterday, I tried not to cry at work. God, that was so hard. The hard part, though, about choking back tears is that, when you do want to cry, you can't. I nearly burst into tears when I was on the phone with Mr. Blond. I had to take deep breaths to keep it together. I hate crying in front of people, even if it is over the phone. I prefer to cry alone, just me, and yell and curse and such. (I can, however, cry in front of other people. In fact, if I weren't me, I would prolly enjoy watching me go insane. It would make for good entertainment. Don't believe me? Go read about my nervous breakdown in March.) I think the worst is over, but I still feel a little down. I think I'm going to go have coffee and cheer myself up....