Random

My horoscope from Astrocenter.com:

Life is slowing down a little, although the movement of the Sun into your sign this week highlights your self-expression. You will be very much aware of how emotional factors from the past are affecting your performance in the present, and if you are astute you might be able to use this to make significant changes to your general performance. The fact that Venus continues to be retrograde in your sign may also be bringing you in contact with people or even partners from your past. This in itself will be a healing factor if you can manage to hold any conversations with them that should have occurred some time back. Your love life could be moving along very slowly, but letting go of any unfinished business will certainly be a great help right now. Don't underestimate this. The trine between Jupiter and Pluto is enabling you to really push for what you want, even if you have been feeling any sense of inadequacy in the past. Mercury makes a sextile to both planets and this enables you to listen to some of the deeper whispers of your soul. You have a chance to hear what your heart has been trying to tell you for so long. Don't be afraid to let your emotions flow this week.

Sometimes there are horoscopes that are trival to life, a bit meaningless or trite to you, and never reflect anything you are feeling/thinking/doing. And then there's the times when a horoscope hits you hard, smack dab right between the eyes. There are only two sources for horoscopes that I take somewhat seriously because, more often than not, they represent what I am thinking/feeling/doing. But when I get these cosmic warnings, I don't know what to do. This one is encouraging...because I'm feeling a little confused of late over a situation. And yes, it does involve a boy. There comes a point in a quasi-serious/friends with benefits relationship where a line has to be drawn. Either you are friends or you are not. Either you are "hooked up" or not. There comes a time when there isn't really an inbetween. A point where it either moves forward, backward, or halts in its tracks.

Or maybe I'm just feeling that way. I just don't know. I'm tired of the same old inbetweenness I get from boys. It's fun for the first fifteen minutes but then it gets old. It's just a self esteem thing, I guess. What? Am I not worthy to be someone's girlfriend? Are they just waiting for better things to come around? Am I just a distraction to wile away the time? I mean, I don't doubt that they don't feel something for me, but what is it with me and them? I just don't get it. Am I intimidating? Am I too stupid? Am I too stubborn? What? What am I doing wrong?

And now I think of what my cousin's going through. We're not so strong as we look. We take it for granted that for some reason, by whatever deity's grace, we are allowed to live. Why the hell should I even get down about this kind of thing? Life is too damn short to worry about boys...or about my hapiness...wait, did I just say that?

Oh, forget it. I'm going to go drown my sorrows in coffee now. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

(Staind: "I can't mend, but I feel, that tomorrow will be okay...")