I Am Not Amused

Short Jokes: Even if you think you're being original, you're not. I'm short. I've heard just about every short joke that there is to hear. I don't find it funny. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor; it's the lack of originality that does not amuse me. Whatever it is in relation to me, the joke will always be "small" or "short". And if I don't laugh, that doesn't mean I'm "short" on brains...it just means that I don't find it funny. I don't believe in laughing at jokes that I do not find funny. I guess you could say I have a "short" sense of humor. Ha. Ha. The jokes on you, of course: I have a "short" temper. So don't even try. (Oh, btw, I may be short, but I have a presence -- and occasionally, ego -- that can fill a room. How else does one become the Bar Mouse or even the Audience of One?)

Chicks who can't handle their liquor: One sat down next to me because she was going to pass out. Really, you should leave before then. Many times I've barfed or nearly passed out...and that's the time to make a quick exit from the bar. Bartenders usually remember that kind of thing. There's only one time where I nearly passed out, and that was forgivable because it was my birthday and I'd had a lot of liquor. I didn't pass out completely; I was dazed and drunk. Passing out is something you do in your car or at home. You should leave before then. Oh, and make sure your boyfriend isn't an asshole about it; if you occupy someone else's seat, especially if it's crowded in the bar, the least you should do is offer to buy them a beer or shot. Think of it as the price of courtesy. Especially if you are rude to the person whose seat you now occupy. And you should know how drunk you're getting. It's not that hard to gauge.

Sex: I don't care. I don't care who has, how many times, how long, what anyone's philosophy is about it, what is done during. I just don't care. It's not that interesting to know about such things. Whatever story anyone has, there's prolly a better one out there. Oh, but one useful tip: If you're late for something, you can always use it as an excuse. "Sorry I was late, but I was, well, I was having sex." Try that one at work next time.

Jokes that I don't get: I don't care. Really, I don't. Sometimes they are funny if they're explained. But sometimes, the explanation of it just takes away whatever humor value there was to it. If it was "you had to be there" (or "you had to see it"), it's prolly not going to be as funny. I understand this. That's why I never try to explain my random laughter.

On a side note, there was a song playing last night that reminded me of Cosmic. He had a silly dance to it. And even funnier, today he called me and we chatted on the phone for awhile. We're going out drinking later this week...and he's paying. Woo-hoo! I will drink that boy under the table....(Which, incidentally, I have done. And still was sober enough to go home. Hehehehe.)