Coffeeshop Quandries

My friend and I decided that if I jumped off a bridge, she has to come with. If she gets a gun and shoots herself, she has to shoot me too. It's not that we'd do either of these things. This is how we describe our moods. "I feel like shooting myself" conveys a feeling better than "I feel angry, frustrated, and depressed". And what causes would be so worthy of death? Men. She knows a man that she's totally in love with and can't stop saying that she loves him. I know a guy that I steadfastly refuse to admit I'm in love with. No, I'm not in love with John. I will never be. Maybe I care a great deal, but I don't love him. Really, I don't. He's a pothead. He's a charmer. He's nearly a slut. No, I don't love him. Really. What sucks is when people start singing songs with the word "goodbye" in them. Did he do that just to annoy me? Is he serious about that? Argh. This is the problem with communicating with my own sign. We say everything by not saying it. A carefully chosen word speaks volumes. A certain song sung at a certain time, a well placed joke, a slight hint...we speak in codes. It's too silly for words. And we are sooo damn nosy too. It's a game, something I'm getting sick of...all these games that everyone plays and I can play them and convince myself that I'm not the looser of it, but it takes energy and I just don't have it anymore. People are always telling me to be careful. I've heard it a zillion times. The thing is, I am a cautious person but no one really recognizes that. Argh. My life right now is just one big "argh".