Emotional Theory

We all are susceptible to emotions, as emotions are part of what makes up humans. Think of it as part of our cognitive thinking. I had a discussion with a friend the other day and he’s been going through some bad times, mostly related to someone who had been in his life. He’s been having emotions that lead to very negative and unhealthy thinking and perceptions, the thoughts that cycle around and take on a life of its own. Maybe this will help someone out there….

First: The underlying premise, before any other discussions about feelings can be had, is that perceptions and our reactions (emotions) to them are completely irrational. Emotion is completely irrational. There is no logic to feelings. Given a person’s prior experiences, there may be a logical progression to someone’s feelings and thoughts, but there is no real logic. Our intellect is rational and logic; our physical makeup is rational as well. But the large portion of who we are is emotion; emotion colors every hour, every second of our lives. The sun is shining outside is a rational statement. The sun is shining outside so today’s going to be a good day is a completely irrational statement. Arbitrarily, this person has decided that because the sun is shining, the day will be good. There is no actual indicator that it actually will be a good day. Emotions are irrational and are connected to certain perceptions. Keep in mind that what one perceives could be something entirely different than what you perceive. Therefore, your reaction to it will be different. And that’s completely okay…you don’t need change your emotions to suit someone else. Just realize that everyone has their own reality construct and it may be radically different than yours. Why? Because we are human; we are completely emotional creatures (it makes up the larger portion of humanness); emotions are completely irrational (not a bad thing to be).

Second: You are not alone. Maybe the people you’re talking to have never had these experiences or emotions. Maybe they have had these experiences or emotions and they’re not talking about them. Maybe they’ve put no thought to these experiences or emotions – in effect not realizing that they’re feeling the same as you, even though they’ve been there, done that. Statistically speaking, you cannot be the only person in the world with these emotions. There is at least one other person who has gone through what you have and felt the way you have. You haven’t met every single person in the world yet. You just haven’t run into the people who’ve been there, done that.

Third: You cannot change the fact that you will think and feel, that you will have experiences that will continually tap into your emotions as you react to these experiences. What you can change, however, is your perceptions. To do this, you must first identify exactly what situations, events, or objects trigger the emotional reaction. How do you start thinking about negative things? How much of it do you have to think about before the emotional reaction becomes a cycle? What are the underlying assumptions about these experiences/emotions/reactions? For example, if you’ve dated several men, and these men have hurt you emotionally, then you might form the perception that all men are jerks. This thinking will permeate every reaction you will have when you meet a man, even if he’s done nothing to prove to you that he is a jerk. But is it true that all men are jerks? Absolutely not. You haven’t met all of the men in the world. Are there some that are? Yes, there are, and you just have happened to date a few. If you meet several men who aren’t, then you’ve just disproved your own perception. When you feel the negative feelings about men surface, it takes a conscious decision to stop, think about the statement that not all men are jerks, just some men, and then think about those who are not. This is the part that takes a lot of awareness of thinking and emotion. It also takes a lot of practice to stop yourself and follow a different train of thought. It does pay off, though; after awhile, when you find yourself thinking about the one premise, you will have trained yourself to think in a different way, thereby connecting the two concepts until they are practically instantaneous. Replace the negative perception/assumption with something that is positive or different than the negative one.

Maybe this won’t work for you. Maybe it will. Or maybe you’ve just never thought about it. I’ve had to do this on several occasions and I personally think it does work, at least for me. If you’re having problems with emotions and negativity, and nothing seems to work, give this a try. Have some friends help you with this if needed. Hey, anything’s worth a try at least once. Oh, and one disclaimer: you have to want to do this. It takes a lot of hard work.