Dear Mom,

Can you believe it's been a year? Good lord.

I'll be spending Memorial Day with Dad. Aunt Joan wants to make potato salad, but you can best bet it won't be anything like your potato salad. For the love of god, can't we make something the way you did?

I've been talking to Erika more. Oh lord, do you know what you're sister's been up to? Holy Jeebus, she's gone completely crackers. Mom, you gotta help her. Really. Before she messes up her family. Does she even know what she's doing? And I'm being serious here. I feel like going over there and confronting her with every little nasty detail I know and giving her a real slap in the face. Talk to Grandma Serwin about this, you gotta help stop this. Remember when she called you about Ron and I was very, very angry and upset? I'm even MORE angry and upset now. She really needs help...both of them do. It's both disgusting and ridiculous.

What's really, really funny is that she offered for me to turn to her when I need motherly advice. Hell, no! You are my mom, and there's no substitutions on that one. We'll just have to continue communicating the way we have been now. Not exactly a sure thing, but enough.

I keep being a jerk to John, but you know what? He's done that to me plenty of times. He knows what the laser-beam look is. Why does he continually do something to piss me off that much? And I've realized, he's a snob. Not a full out snob about everything, but some of the time he is. And you know how I feel about that. But I think the thing that gets me angry is that he's always bringing up the fact that I sometimes act like a jerk...and if I bring up his being a jerk, well, dontcha know, he's got a reason. What the hell is that? Is that what guys do? Because, and I'm sorry for saying it, I don't want to get married then. That's just too much to deal with for an entire lifetime. He can be cool, but he doesn't understand that when I get mad, I'm mad for quite a while before I cool off. You would think he would have got that point in the few years we were dating. He does things to get me mad, and well, I'm obviously going to yell at him. He just doesn't get that. Why? WHY? I do feel kinda bad for it, but still...remember? "I know my daughter, and that look means she's going to kill you." That was really funny, Mom. You called it like you saw it. But still, that didn't stop him.

I hope I'm not the one who has to go "anger management" classes. You know what I'm talking about.

Ah, I still miss you. I keep trying to remember you, and it's hard, because for a very long time all I could see was you lying there in the hospital bed, with all of the machines and tubes and such. Were you really responding to us? Or was it like when Grandma Schallack died and you were just going through your life like she did? I would like to think you could hear us, but I just don't know. I can't stop thinking about the hospital, and being there, watching you with diminishing hope, trying to prop up Dad and Ja. I knew, but they didn't. And thank you for listening to me. Even if I never do anything special, Mom, I'm still you're "Golden Child".

I was at work, forgot my ID, so I had to sign in. I figured that I would be the only one in there now. I only gave the guard my last name. "Kathie?" he asked. That startled me a moment, and then told him no. (Of course, I didn't tell him my name then.) Then he got to my name. The thing is, if it was in alphabetical order, my name would have come first. I don't get it. Oh, and the other day was talking to someone somewhere. They said I must be a Kathleen. It made me a little sad, your Kates. No wonder I feel like I've got two peronalities. You called me Kates for a while before Dad got the bright idea to give me my name when I was born. And it was all odd, given that those two moments happened within a week of each other.

Oh, and your toe was actually skin colored after the surgery. Just thought that you'd like to know.

Well, I've got shopping to do and stuff, so have I have to go. Hope to talk to you soon.

Love,
Me