The Eleventh

Oh beautiful for spacious skies over NYC, over Manhattan. The train rolled up to our final stop: World Trade Center. The underground mall was interesting but like a thousand other malls anywhere else. Just another collection of shops. We practically raced to the ticket line so that we could get tickets to the observation deck. Waiting in line...I looked out at the street. Busy. Full of people. One couldn't help remembering the bombing in the parking garage. "So what got destroyed?" I asked and my guide told me of the aftermath. "People moved out...some of the local networks broadcast from the other tower and when the bomb went off, several stations were blacked out." Chitchat as we waited, as we came upon the "metal detectors". "You know," I said nervously, "those don't look very well made. They look like they're from Radio Shack." That elicited a chuckle. "I don't feel very secure," I remarked with particular uneasiness. "Someone could be hiding a bomb on their person, or in their camera. Look at that person over there...they have a ton of camera equipment, and all they're doing is just looking in. They're not really searching anything." "Yeah," my guide agreed. "I feel the same way." And suddenly, I felt claustraphobic. What if a bomb went off? We'd die. Please dear God, I said in my head, don't let anything happen today. I have this feeling that something bad's gonna happen. Please let it not be today. If it has to happen, let it be tomorrow. Or, at the very least, not while I'm here in the building. And away we went to the top floor. A thousand and one pictures. Of me. Of my guide. Of NYC. There was a restaurant there. "This is better than the Sears Tower," I said. "A bit more classy. The last time we went there, it looked a bit ghetto." My guide chuckled. "Yeah," he said. "It was pretty bad. This definately is better than that. Let's go to the roof." And I looked at him in amazment: "You can go on the roof?" I asked in awe. "Sure," he replied. And one escalator ride later, we were out in the open air. It took my breath away. Miles and miles of New York lay before us. The Statue of Liberty was the size of an ant. "Look how small it is!" I said. "Where is your house from here?" I jokingly asked. "Over that way," my guide said. And then: "Wow...look at those planes. They're flying lower than where we are." That fear again. What if one of them crashed into the tower we were standing on? Stop that, I told myself, you don't have to imagine all of this doom and gloom. But I was uneasy when I looked out at midtown Manhattan: "Wow. These buildings are pretty unprotected. I mean, look at all the other buildings...there really isn't any other tall building in this area. Wow." But then there were the boats on the water, the guy trying to speak English and talk with us (Him: "My English is not so good...." Us: "Well, you're doing a pretty good job...."), the wonder of being up so high. It was beautiful. It was majestic. "This is the perfect place to bring me," I told my guide. "Remember when you said, 'I want you to take me to somewhere in New York that you wanted to take the person that you loved and would spend the rest of your life with'?" he asked. "Yeah," I replied. "This is it," he said. And we kissed and looked out over the city for awhile, not saying a word but saying everything. "We should go soon," I said. "But I don't want to leave. I want to stay up here forever and watch the sunset and the lights go on in the city." With regret, we left shortly after. We were hungry. We were tired. It would always be there, to be seen another year. We hung out on the square. There was a jazz concert. We watched a pigeon hobbling along ("Fat-ass bird," I remarked to it and proceeded to chase it). I took a picture of the building while standing right next to it, looking straight up...for a friend, who has a fear of very large things. The sheer enormity of the buildings would have freaked her out. All of the souvenirs that I purchased for myself, friends, and family came from the kiosk right in front of the World Trade Center. With reluctance, we moved on, going home for dinner, onto other sites to see.

Less than a month later, they were gone. Planes rammed into them. Collapsed. I stood in front of the TV, crying and yelling, "WHY DIDN'T THEY KNOW?" As a taxpayer, I want our government to spend money where it is needed. It was no secret that our intelligence was horrible...and underpaid. Field agents? I don't give a damn how much it is, if that's what's needed, then dammit, they should pay for them. Forget about a missle defense system...what good is it going to do with a bunch of guys and some planes? War in Iraq? Saddam isn't going to live forever. And whatever weapons he can build wouldn't cause so much as a scratch on us. We only have to keep an eye on him...he's not going to attack us. We don't really have to worry about him. But this is what happens when the war and fear mongerers spew their bile to Americans and we Americans lap it up. This is what happens when we are complacent. This is what happens when we ignore the world and the dangers that lurk within it. This is what happens when we think we're still the policemen of the world and the world has drastically changed. This is what happens when Americans don't demand sound foreign policy from their leaders...when the focus is on personality and sex and everything else...when we just don't care about those people over there. Yeah, well, those people have enough money and clout to gather a few operatives together to crash planes into buildings. Those people are fighting over water rights, human rights, the right not to be oppressed. After Regan, no one really knew what to do. The Elder Bush had it easy...he had a war. Clinton was very inconsistent in his foreign policy, especially when it came to international conflict. And King George? I think they were wrong when they applied the Wag the Dog concept to Clinton. I think it applies more to Dub the Shrub. Clinton had to do something in the Baltics (even though it wasn't enough and too little too late). But now the Shrub is trying to create support for a war he wants to wage even though there's no damn good reason to do it. (Election stealing? Enron? Administration's ties -- neck deep, by the way -- to Enron? I smell a scandal....) In fact, that concept applies to the Elder Bush...remember the propaganda of the Gulf War? The war was over before anyone realized that it wasn't true. And we had been leaning into a serious recession. Give it some thought. And then we can't imagine that the world dislikes us? We're not paying enough attention where we need to...we're not helping the people we need to...we're not waking up to the fact that we're in a different world now and that we have to come up with a better plan of action. This is what happens when we don't care. I care. I want you to care. In fact, I not only want you to care, but I want you to be as informed as I am and care very deeply about what is going on. Why would I want that?

Because the one special place that the love of his life had asked him to take her to as a surprise is now nothing but a gigantic pile of rubble and bones, forever lost in the skyline of Manhattan, to exist only in pictures and memories.

A symbol of love, in ruins. Maybe it was foreshadowing. Maybe it was coincidence. But just the same, it hurts.

I loved the World Trade Center. I loved him. And he knew me -- and himself -- so well that that had been the perfect spot.

He can't even go back there with his new love and share that experience with her. It was wasted on me. I can't go back and remember that time and have it be over. I can't go back and feel the cool air and the quiet of being up that high. And for what? Oil? Greed? I am utterly and completely pissed now. Before I was just cynical. Now I'm really angry. How many more buildings, how many more lives, will be destroyed before this nightmare is over? Why don't we stop calling for blood and call for viable and sensible solutions instead? We should take action...but that doesn't always mean war. Now is the time to demand that our leaders grow up...and that we, as a nation, grow up. The world around us has changed. Now's the time to start acting like it.