Sinner

She sits in her little corner of earth, of the coffee shop, hands gripping the cup as if she was holding onto it for dear life, as if letting go would cause chaos in the little world. Oh, but now, now something is different...she is afraid: she cannot write, she cannot think...

To the Lord I pray for my soul, the sinner that I am, and even though I am told that judgement waits for me before God alone, I feel as if the secular judgement has been passed. I am a slacker in a go-getter world, a procrastinator. I feel it, every bone in my body pleading to just do something, have plans, look smart, impress people. But how can I? How can I impress anyone when I am sure that they will see through my ruse? I am just a drifter, content to the shade of life, to observe all that goes on around me. But I am much worse than that, a sin greater than evil, should there ever be such a thing...I am a hypocrite, oh such a hypocrite that my skin burns with shame in the light of day. I pretend to be smart, I pretend to know things, I pretend that I can impart knowledge to people, when sadly, this is not the case. And as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know that I have committed that sin, the unforgivable one, of always, always being wrong, of always saying the wrong thing, of pretending that I know anything. Some would call it low self esteem, but those who have such "high" self esteem are nothing but egotists. Some would say that it was the men but if men were to blame for my feeling this way, then I could restrict contact with them and feel better. But that does not work, so I'm left with my best guess, that it's me that's to blame for my hypocracy. And I, I am the worst of the worst: I am an idiot savant yet I have no one item that I excell in. So does that leave me with just plain idiot? I am not intelligent, I am not anything of worth or note, and truthfully, if anyone's reading this besides me, I could chatise you further for reading the writings of those who are ignorant, as if my ingnorance serves your amusement. But I assume that you don't read this and that's fine with me, I will go living in my fastasy world....

She puts down her coffee cup. "Hey, there," one of her friends says. "Haven't seen you in awhile."
"Yeah," she replies, "I've had a lot of school work."
"Oh. I've just been trying to get a job."
"What's it been? Six, seven months?"
"Yeah. No one'll hire me. Oh, well. So, you wanna play some cards? Oh, and do you have a quarter so I could get a refill on my coffee? I don't want them kicking me out of here again."

And she wonders how worlds collide.......