random
I sit and debate, should I wait, or should I just go out to the real world and find my future? And where in the world will I ever end up if I end up in the same space that I've been in before? All roads lead to here and I've tried to get to there but the roads that go there inevitably have detours that point back to here. I just once would like to experience lost and to know what it feels like to have no more plan in mind than just to get back to here. How scary, how exhilerating, how fascinating life would be if I was lost but then being lost, I may never find the way back which doesn't matter so much as long as I have a good journey. But I'm still here, I can't even find my way to lost and wish once that this same place would change but then I think that life anywhere is the same, we're all people, we have problems and triumphs and joys and heartbreaks, so then there would not be different from here. This place may change but I often think I have and my perceptions lead me to conclude that here will always change but metaphorically it never does change, the faces, the names, the people are different but the hurt and the love and hate and the joy and the insecurities and the strengths are the same, the same as anyone else I've ever met. Maybe, I think, with more hope than wish, that there will have other humans like me but that will not happen because this is life and although we are one person, we are all different, which makes our humanity a paradox. So I guess I'll stay here, at least for a while, and let the future find me.