Food For Thought

Open Letter To My Cuz:

I love ya, girlie. You are the sister I never had. In fact, at times I think of you as my sister. We grew up together (because of our paranoid mothers). We're from some of the same stock. And because you're three years younger than I am, we were always thrown together. There are people I talk to who never see or speak to their own siblings, let alone cousins, let alone cousins being like siblings and friends to them. We have it lucky.

I only say this because of the thing in your head. Yeah, I understand that you're scared. So am I. I wouldn't want to ever lose one of my good friends and personal confidantes. That thought is terrifying. I want you to be around for a long, long time. I want you to be my maid of honor at my wedding (whenever I decide to get married, that is!). I want to be able to call you up and chat over our children (whenever that will be). I want us to take our daughters out shopping in December like our mothers do with us. There are sooo many things that we have yet to do together....

And I don't want you to go insane with everyone treating you like you're going to die. Whatever it is, you will be okay. But don't let this whole experience lead you to jump into decisions that you might regret later. Remember what I said? So what you break his heart? If you marry him, it could be worse. And how happy is he going to be if you're not happy? If he's happy with you and he doesn't care or notice that you're unhappy, then what is the point of marrying someone? Just because everyone else pressures you into it? It's your life. I try to give you the other side of it. Remember, I almost got married. In some ways, I was afraid to. In other ways, it just wouldn't work out. He knew when I was unhappy but he didn't always know it. Sometimes it seemed as if he didn't care. And I did try. For now, be content on being your age and don't worry about it. You don't really have to get married until you're thirty. And if your brother or sister marry before you, be happy for them. You make your own choices. You're the one that has to live with it day in and day out. And if you can't see that happening, RUN!

And I know you're not going to die or anything. But it does make me think -- what if I was the one that had something wrong with me? It's scary for me in that sense too. Maybe I don't care so much about school. Maybe I just want to spend more time with people. I would hate to lose you to anything. And maybe there are times where we don't get to speak to each other a whole lot, but then there are times when we can't stop chatting (so how many times do you come over to my desk? hehehe.) I mean, I can't get those silly times out of my head...

Remember when we used to sleep in your parent's room? That was fun. We'd giggle all night. It was funny when I put those pillows under the blanket and went and hid in the closet...and you came and jumped on them, expecting to scare the hell out of me. And then I jumped out of the closet and you screamed. Or when you got your own room, the nights where we'd stay up and play Waterworks or Mille Bournes and eat copious amounts of Coca Puffs (or the bag equivalent -- those were packed with more sugary goodness) and when we were slightly older, we'd stay up and play Canasta and drink lots of Mountain Dew and Pepsi and eat ice cream. How could I live without the person with whom I played "bakery" with? (Your parents must have kept Builder's Square in business with all that sand they bought. Didn't they close not long after your parents got rid of the sandbox?)

But I guess my point is, there's a lot of memories there, there's the family ties there, and it takes lots to destroy them. And I know you'll be alright. And I know that everything will go back to a somewhat chaotic normal. But for now, Cuz, I love ya, and don't think that you'd get rid of me that easily.