Alone

You'd never know it by the way she seemed engrossed in her book. Yeah, she's heard the "You'll ruin your eyesight" arguement about fifty times already, here at the bar. What she's really doing is waiting for someone. She knows it's too late for him to show up...he would have shown up to the coffee shop if he was going to be there at the bar. She refuses to think she's a typical girl; that when the guy she loves doesn't show up she goes through the same thoughts over and over...He isn't coming. I wish he were here. Where is he? Maybe he got stuck doing something else...and then it gets worse...Maybe he couldn't catch the bus. Yeah, that has to be it. Didn't have enough money. Was I supposed to pick him up? He didn't really say...or maybe he just assumed I will. But then, it did sound like he was going to meet me. Or...maybe he's playing a game. Or talking to someone else. Or maybe he went somewhere else...? Without me...? But he can do that. I have no right to know anything. Or maybe he forgot about me? Maybe he's mad that I snapped at him last night?...and a thousand and one other possiblities that grow more frantic as she tries to remain cool. Oh, not that she's insecure or anything...not that his smile and laugh make her happy or anything...not that she feels better if he is around or anything...silence and seperation feel like punishment. And what if it's my fault that I didn't get to see him? Then I would feel like a fool. And then she sighs, feeling a little more worthless with each minute, like she's an idiot, a moron, a simpleton...resigned to know that she's not that much of a draw for anyone, much less for him. She decides to order a beer and read her book...ironically, the book that he recommended to her. It's a good book, and momentarily it distracts her from thinking. But when she is done, she is back to thinking again. She decides that one beer is enough and that she should just go home and go to bed...and cry a little, for that is how his absence makes her feel. She gives credit to her friend when he says, "It's not an obligatory thing yet," and that makes her feel even lower than she did before...because that's what she stepped into and as quick as it started it could end, and that, my friends, is what depresses the poetic soul. Just wait, says a voice in her head, until the Most Beautiful Creature In The World shows up, and she's smart, and captures his attention. Remember, Bar Mouse, all you are to them is just a passing fancy, wasted time until they find what they're looking for. And you and us will be alone again...alone as we ever were before. Obligations? You failed at that...remember May 6th, 2001? And we will always amuse you to keep you happy, Echo Spots and Stars at Night, and hell, even Wicked. Nothing lasts forever...you can't possibly hope it can. You charmed the best. Now you've gone further...and he'll run away when he sees those infamous bad moods. No one could ever care enough to hear your bitter, sarcastic, cynical rants. The first line and no one's listening. We do. You'll always have us....

But she still hopes. Tomorrow will better. She'll see him then. She's sure of it. She'll go to bed and wake up feeling better. Really. She will....