Not a full moon.

So why did I get a ton of idiots on my phone today? I was ready to bitchslap SOMEONE. Not to mention my computer didn't want to work, I was ready to beat the shit out of it and throw it out the window.

At least I have a big book of baby animal pictures at my desk. Ducklings will kick your ass!

And it's also, in a way, comforting to know that I'm not the only person in the universe plagued with bad timing.

I'm still mad at last week.

It's now the running joke in my department, though, about one nasty person I got on my phone. Normally, when people are nasty, they are just frustrated with something like the process or the decisions that we've come to. It's rarely ever personal and I treat it as such because I understand that they're not mad at me.

Oh, but last week it was personal. "I don't have this problem with everyone else, just you." I was speechless, only because I was doing my job according to our procedures. I wasn't doing anything different than anyone else was doing, considering we all work with the same guidelines. I had to be silent, otherwise I would have said, "Are you implying that my coworkers are not doing their job? Because that's what I think you just said." I didn't say that though, and now I live in terror of getting this person because I might say non-department approved things like, "Oh, let me transfer you to someone else" once the person gives me their name or "I don't take kindly to people implying that my coworkers don't work" or something rather snarky.

Which, of course, leaves out the fact that the person doesn't call us prepared with the information that we need. We need certain information, and if don't have it, we can't help the person. Most people understand this, and take notes as to what information we need and call back. I wonder what makes Snowflake think it's any different for them?

I need a new job.

I really, really need to get this.

Luckily, I live in a neighborhood where I don't have to worry about my car.

In thinking about last night's nightmare, I really do have some freakish nightmares.

One that happens every now and again is a dream where I'm schizophrenic. Voices, craziness, it's all there, and terrifyingly real. I think the best (or worst) part of the dreams is that all of the furniture is on the ceiling. Seriously. It always starts out with me coming home and finding that everything is on the ceiling, in the exact same place it would be if it was on the floor. I have no idea why my brain equates mental illness with furniture on the ceiling. Of course, that terrifies me, and then I hear people whispering but there's no one else there.

I think the saddest one was the one where I was dead, but I didn't know I was dead until the end, and from what I was looking at, there wasn't any reason I was dead. It was so strange. It's also nice to know that your brand loyalty to Sears will show up in your dream. Because that's who was using the jaws of life thingy to cut me and the other person out of our not damaged and perfect cars. My mind makes some really strange associations.

Ones with my mother in them aren't so much as nightmares but they're really surreal. Like I was getting married in a church, and it was the recessional, we turned around and I saw her. She was in the dress that she wore to my older brother's wedding. I started running down the aisle yelling "Mom!", but she kept moving farther away until I got to the back and she just vanished. And then my great-aunt touched my arm and said, "I saw her too."

The megachurch dream was outright strange, had the feeling of a nightmare but it kinda wasn't. Honestly, it's why I can't go to church anymore. I'm wondering if black-clad figures will show up to drag me out.

You know what though? I'll take middle management penguins over death, schizophrenia, and church any day.

The Stuff of Nightmares.

"It's just us two here," she said in a very menacing tone. This will not go well. I studied her, for if my ass is to be kicked, I'd like to know who it's kicked by. And she looked a lot like me, our eyes were similar, her hair brown, but she was far more overweight than I was. Perhaps I had a chance.

"You have no chance. I will win. I always win. And you deserved to be punished, you bitch. You can't escape me."

She took a swing at me, and I was able to avoid it, but then she managed to grab me and punch. I tried to block her but she seemed to know where to hit. I looked at her face, twisted in anger and cruelty, hurtful, hateful words dripping from her lips.

But that was it. That was the only opening, the only way. I reached out and grabbed her cheeck, and with all of my might, squeezed it in my fist...

And I woke up in PAIN. And now I have this really nice scratch on my face, because I was sleeping on my hand.

I have learned a very important life lesson: never put your used dust rags on your hardwood floors, and if you do, don't throw them in front of your bathroom, and if you manage to do that, don't wear socks. I really hope I get through this morning without breaking anything, because I'm not in the mood to spend time at an ER.

Thank god I'm a klutz and have stubbed my toe many a time, otherwise it probably would have hurt more.

So I'm on a mission to reorganize my life. Or, rather, buy lots of awesome shit to distract myself with.

I like to shop. It's one of those strange things I picked up from my mother. I like to look, to think, and imagine if I could use whatever item I'm holding. Which makes shopping with me damn near impossible, because I will look AT EVERYTHING, much to the annoyance of my family. (Except my dad, of course. He put up with my mom shopping. Well, and my cousin.)

I really miss her in those moments. Picking something up and saying, "Do I really need this/can I really use this?" The answer isn't always "yes". The key to shopping is really that question, the notion that you could look at something and not buy it. I also miss the marathon shopping trips. Those were so much fun.

It's times like these that I realize that I'm not a completely impulsive shopper. I carefully research things and will buy something if I can use it. On the downside of this, it can get expensive. But I'm aware of that, and rarely go above the budget that I set for myself. If I over spend, I don't over spend by a lot. And though I have a high credit card limit, I make sure that I don't go over a certain amount.

I suppose writing this out makes me feel better about my next major purchase: a PS2.

I am such a nut.