Well, here I am again.

You know, my job fills my need to talk to random strangers. I find that I'm okay with that. Why did I even go on that other place anyway? I suppose some foolish hope that I would meet people, and you know what? That's rather motherfucking stupid of me. And then everyone finds me, and you know what? I was cool with being alone.

Alone in the night, where the soul takes flight, with the winds of undestiny and rains of tranquility. Where I'd rather be, as floating as moonlight but less pale, drifting slowly and lazily to some unknown destination. Where would I be then in harsh daylight, to wither away uncomfortably, silent and gasping for freedom. You know, just here. Because it isn't as it used to be but that doesn't mean that it's better or worse. I am me, armed with a mirror shield in the daylight, to hide with reflection.

We are but a perception of ourselves, never who we say we are, but always who we act like we are.

And now, I'm off, got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.

Oh, and also...there are labels here, that you can make up. Bonus!

*Tap*Tap*Tap*

Is this thing on?

Lo, how I hated for the new blogger to rear it's ugly head. I finally became one with the collective.

And it's quiet over here. No "Friends" crap. Just me and you. *Sigh* All those good times.

And like an addictive personality, I've come back to my first true love.

I tend to write drunken and angry screeds. Here, no big deal. At that other place, not so good. So you may only see drunken screeds here for awhile. But really, I'm thinking of just giving up that other place, because I don't care. It's too silly for me, and just logging into it, I can feel the winds of vapidity sweeping through my brain. And the ads...god, those match.com or wherever ads are seriously motherfucking creepy. I don't like to be alone in this world, but at the same time, we all alone with ourselves. Here I feel freer to write what I want, because unless you're part of a feed, 7 people don't instantly read your stuff like they're trained monkeys or something. I bank on the fact that really no one reads this, and the majority of blogging public doesn't care, not to mention the beautifulness of just random strangers reading through a few sections. I don't care if you laugh or cry out of enjoyment or boredom. I personally don't think I'm that interesting, though last night I stayed up late to read a flamewar between two groups of people...and those that thought they were righteous were pretty sickening. The cognitive dissonance was startling. I honestly think there's something about the line that sometimes people who are abused will turn around and abuse other people, because these people were grossly abusive. I really don't who the hell in the world you are, what gives you the motherfucking right to stomp all over someone else? That you think you're right? Or that your credentials give you some sort of pass from having to act like a motherfucking human being with compassion? Or is the fact that somehow you've embodied the paternalistic attitudes of your oppressors - sounding like the "Good Liberals" of colonial days - somehow escaping you?

Like I told a friend, "Religion" isn't the impediment to progress, but the interpretation of Religion by men (and women, too). So many people have thumped the bible with their agendas and fear of progress and other people...there's a longstanding tradition of using the most convenient method of controlling other people. Religion is merely the window dressing for appealing to our darker impulses, granting ourselves immunity from the morals that we pretend to believe in. If not Religion, then something else, some other cloak with which to hide our diseased minds. And I'm not talking about the Bible here...to give a divinely inspired book more weight than the words of God or the actions of Jesus is a gross misuse of the concepts of belief and faith. And by being Christian myself, I know that I share the sins of the less tolerant and enlightened of those who believe. Some people ask why there aren't any moderate Christians...and I think they miss the fact that those who torture in the name of Jesus and steal money from taxpayers under the guise of "abstinence only" are the loudest, most dangerous, most well-connected crazies who infect and poison everyone they touch, taking great care to appeal to the worst impulses humans have. It's not that they're not "true Christians" - I'm sure they believe they are. They're just Christian monsters. They scanned the Bible for ways to justify their warped view of the world, in order to control and dominate people, attacking the vulnerable and appealing to greedy. I find it no good comfort that we don't have good, solid treatment centers for those who suffer from addiction, and instead have a patchwork system of safehouses with obligatory praying. How the hell is that really going to help most people? That almost seems like emotional extortion. If someone wants to go that route, fine, but for most people, there isn't a choice. And that is really disgusting. If someone wants to "find Jesus", it's not like He isn't hiding in the motel room night table.

Which kind of brings me back to the flamewar. It wasn't about religion, but that doesn't mean the same elements of control and dominance were not displayed. Oh, they were, in spades, and not so oddly enough, only by two or three people...who were the loudest and most prolific on the thread. It doesn't matter if you do or don't believe in god/God/Flying Spaghetti Monster, you are still susceptible to the same impulses as the rest of us.

Or, as my friend Brandar put it, "Get over yourself."

The message on my phone:

"Thank you for calling the 1000 Typing Monkeys Business School. We are proud of our excellent staff and commitment to a high quality education. Currently, our offices are closed, so please leave us a name, number and a detailed message so that one of our dedicated representitives can call you back. Thank you for choosing the 1000 Typing Monkeys Business School and we look forward to your enrollment."

For the love of God/Godess/Whateverdiety, why in the hell would you do this to your bedroom?!?

Oh, wait, I know! Because you were a fan of this:

A Letter.

Dear Mr. Inconsiderate Elevator Asshole From Monday:

Please enlighten me as to why, when you sneezed, you had to sneeze everywhere. You could have at least covered your mouth and nose when you sneezed, although I do realize that you had Important Things you were carrying and did not want to sneeze on them. Instead, you ended up sneezing dangerously close to me. When we were waiting for the elevators, I could stand very far away from you when you sneezed. Elevator space, however, is a different story. There's only so much room that I could put between me and the trajectory of your sneezes. The problem was only compounded by the fact, that even though there were only two of us on the elevator, you chose to stand near the back and in the middle, thereby fating me to a less than maximum postition with which to avoid your sneezing. You could have at least tucked yourself in a corner so that I did not feel as if you sneezed on me. I did attempt not to breathe on the short trip to my floor, but it was a difficult task that I failed in. Of course, I do understand that when one sneezes, it can be difficult to be on guard to prevent the delivery molecules of a cold from spewing forth onto a fresh new host. However, I would propose that you needn't aid the virus by throwing your whole body into the sneezing movement, thereby catching my eye and making me wonder if you had actually managed to sneeze on me. Bending at the waist is very unusual manuver for public sneezing.

I do hope you realize why I bring this up, but if you're a bit befuddled, I will clarify why. You see, when you sneezed, the fine mist that wafted from your nose was filled with germs that seek out a new body to propagate in - and those germs found solace in my body. In addition, to be helpful, I will point out that they do sell pocket-sized tissues at various outlets, some of which are very conveniently located near our place of employment, that cater to individuals who are suffering a wide variety of minor aliments such as yours. They even offer a vast array of numerous concoctions that would ease the symptoms of the common cold! Please keep this in mind the next time you are sneezing and plan to be in a very small and confined space with the non-sneezing public. We would take note of your valiant efforts to spare us the suffering that you are experiencing and may even congratulate you on your thoughtfulness and foresight during your illness.

Sincerely,
The Woman Who Wasn't Sure If You Sneezed On Her

ARG

MySpace sucks. All I did was try to log in, once, and well, my account was frozen because of the supposed multiple failed login requests. Fuck that.

To A Mother I Know.

How sad to know
that the little bundle of joy inside
will never know your touch
or what life is like outside.
We hardly knew her,
but we already loved her.
She already, not yet born,
was a princess among the princes -
a joy highly anticipated by your sons.
So we mourn and weep with you,
tears shed for a cruel fate dealt
to the most deserving of mothers.
And as dusk draws near for
an ever-wanted child,
the prayerful will still pray
for your health and your safety.
Rest, weary Mother, and shed your tears,
for we know that silence is not always golden,
and in the quiet moments one hears,
the lost laughter of a little girl
not yet born.