A Strange Rambling

Maybe I just hold other people to the same irrational and too-high expectations that I hold myself to. Or maybe when you live in a world where people always say one thing and do another, you tend to be skeptical about everything someone says. How nice to be ignorant of actions and see only words. Or maybe it's just time to stop pretending like I'm normal. I've always fantasized about doing that but actually have never done so. It's so hard for me to admit for anything abnormal about myself. I am normal...don't you see it? C'mon, believe me, I'm normal. Really, I am. I am so normal...that I'm not normal. Most times I feel like I'm just taking the parts that people consider normal and shape my personality around that. What do you think is normal? Well, I'm that....

Your head is like a chest -- some are ornate, hand-carved and lovely looking, others are just simple trunks with nothing fancy. That never matters though. It's what's inside that counts. Once the chest is opened, there's no telling what you'll find. At the top is loose papers, a myriad of daily, weekly, monthly thoughts. Some papers have the same things written on them, over and over again. Others are unique in some way. But they're just loose papers. Once those are removed, there's notebooks and journals, maybe even papers in folders, somehow bound together, the things that are thought of and upon regularily but not part of the common thoughts. Small memories, jovial stories, jokes, embarassing moments, that kind of thing. Once you've gone through those and set them aside, you're ready for the really important things. These are trinkets, photo albums, lock boxes, jewelery boxes...the things that one may or may not think about, may or may not realize that they think about, concious and unconcious thoughts. Someone with a lock box usually has secrets that they don't even know they have, things that they've bundled up so tight that to even admit to themselves that it's there will freak them out. And as life goes on, those objects get shuffled around, some papers get lost, some trinkets are given away. The items change with experience.

Every chest can be opened. Most have no locks. Every lock box can be opened too -- it just depends on the amount of prying you're willing to do. Some lock boxes come with keys taped to the lid. Others are made out of expensive locks that take longer to break into. But it can be done.

I have this problem that I only go by someone's actions rather than their words. I don't assume people are my friends unless they treat me friendly. I don't assume someone's my enemy unless they've given me reason to think so. I don't assume anyone loves me unless their actions support their words. Otherwise, how am I to know? I am normal, right? Isn't that what normal people do? Isn't that what normal people are supposed to do? It doesn't happen like that from what I've observed. Or, at least, it doesn't seem to work that way. It doesn't matter that you truly mean the sentiment that you're saying at the moment, it's in your actions, isn't it?

Or am I just crazy that way? I guess I'll never know....