Bar None

How to get into the bar...
Open door. Insert body. Close door.
I had met some people at my favorite coffee shop. We became friends and after awhile, they wanted me to come drink with them. After resisting for several months, I finally did. It was okay but I would have liked to drink with my cousin. I kept drinking with them though. It was fun. And it kept being fun...until I was dropped like a bad habit by those friends. So then I hung out with another friend...and another friend...and you get the idea.

The danger of being alone...
I dumped my fiancee during this period and some of my friends dropped out of sight or left town. So I was hanging out in bars alone. It was...interesting. I learned a few rules about bars. If you are drinking alone, sit at the bar, stare into your glass (or at the bartender), and block out everyone else. Hug your glass tightly. If you need to pee, do it when you leave or take your glass with you. Never leave things - even your drink - unattended. Oh, and unless you're a well-known regular, do not leave your purse/wallet/hood/CDs at the bar. And don't leave your purse at the bar if you collect condoms. The bartender might just go through it to check for an ID.

The bar where everyone knows your name...
I'm a regular at the Palace of Rock. I will not use the real name of this bar, even though good ol' Paul said I could. Most everyone has nicknames and pseudonyms there so I'm not sure of anyone's real name. This bar is where live bands *sometimes* play. Live performers, it's cool...in a way. I go for Classic Country Music Night on Monday. D.J. Craig plays old and silly country music, sometimes the old gospel country stuff. He has an unbelivable collection of old country, both records and CDs. Oh, and if you want to get in good with the bartender (but you're not in the habit of sleeping with bartenders), go see his band and tell him that it rocked. I've heard many bands/singers/performers at the Palace of Rock, most not very good/entertaining/talented. There are a few I do go to see because I think that they are good and I enjoy their music.

It's the people that you know...
To look at D.J. Craig in the dim barlight, you'd swear that he's older than the hills. He's not but he really tries to sound as if he is. If he's truly in his late 20's, I wish that he'd stop saying that he's old. I'm in my mid-twenties and I know I have at least a decade before I'm really old. Then there's Thomas Swan (that's his "stage name" now. I think...). He's pretty talented, actually. Hell, I'd be lying if I denied that his appearence is quite pleasing to the eyes. Oh, and Craig isn't that bad looking, either. It also helps that Jeff the Bartender is cute, too, especially when staring at your beer gets old. For those of the male persuasion, I suggest staring at lovely, red-haired Angie. Just don't hit on her. And that includes writing songs just for/inspired by her. There's already a million. (Yes, I exaggerate, but I've yet to hear a song about Paul or Jeff. Hmmm...I might have to write one.)

Remember who you are with...
I've nearly picked up several guys at bars. I am very good at the ditching game, mainly because I'm out for the booze and nothing else. I like to be short and cute - the price for it, a pitcher of beer. Or a shot. I'm not picky. I'll pay attention to you. Just don't expect me to come back when I go to my car for cigarettes. I'll be hiding in another bar. There's only one guy I will go home with. I met him at the Palace of Rock, which is where I spend most of my drinking time. I used to hang out at a bar that was across an alley from the Palace of Rock. (I live in Wisconsin. It doesn't matter if it's a larger city - Milwaukee, Madison, Green Bay - or a two-horse town, it's almost a requirement that there's a bar on every corner. If you're lucky, there's a bar in the middle of the block, so that when the wind chill is fifty below zero, you have short distances to walk.) I mainly hung out there until some skinheads, whom I let sit at my table, hit on me. After that, I only go to the Palace of Rock when I'm alone. I met an Irishman there recently. How do I know that he's actually Irish? I don't, but judging by the way he was slurring, he might have been.

And what have we learned?
Eccentrics are alcoholics with a college education. I graduate this semester....