Adventures At Work

Source: someecards.com via Jodi on Pinterest

I definitely had someone like that...I could feel my brain cells sliding out the wood plank to jump off of. Now I must send it around work.

Just Laugh, You Silly

In the middle of the street, this line just sits there.  l really try not to take myself seriously. I mean, yeah there will be times that l have to be serious but fuck it, doesn't have to be all the time.

The thing about fun is that it's addictive.  I always fall for that moment when you click with someone and can't stop thinking about them but I'm always cautious with myself because I know I'm awkward and weird and a little offputting at times.  It doesn't help that sometimes my enthusiasm is mistaken for desparation.

[pensive acoustic guitar music]

(I love closed captioning, especially descriptions of the music playing...I wouldn't have described the music as "pensive".)

But I am me and there's not much I can do about it.  So I'll just laugh and see where the journey takes me.

Real Tired of Your Shit, Life

So I'm sitting here, bored, got work to do, but still, once the work is over, then I've got nothing to do and who the hell wants to sit everywhere bored to motherfucking death on shit.  Yeah, I can read Pinterest but fuck, "humor" is anything but, it's all not funny anymore and dammit facebook is just a great wasteland of crap.  I've never been one for social media.  Sure, I'll bear my soul here and write drunken screeds decrying the lack of penis in my life, but shit, better here where random strangers stumble upon this by surprise and not something that my friends and family see.  Well, okay, the three "friends" I have.  Since you can't really delete your shit, but only "deactivate", well, fuck that.  I'm thinking of deactivating because shit, I'm only on once a week for 15 minutes because my attention span is precious and I've got better things to do, like search for the coveted Golden Penis or playing a MMO or something - anything really - that's way better than this shit.

And I keep forgetting that this is here.  I always forget this is here.  Social media is for people who like to pretend staring at pixels is something social.  Social is taking a walk.  Social is going for coffee or a drink with friends.  I will say it's not all bad, sometimes after a grueling day of people, pixels seem ideal.  So I'm dusting off the box labeled "Old NY Resolutions" and dragging this one out.  I have a feeling that from here on out, it's going to be one hell of a wild ride.

I just realized that it's been less than 6 months since I broke up with the Zombie.  Why was I acting like a crazy fucking bitch?  Really.  I'm not dumb enough to go back to Ragemonster.  I'll stay out of the orbit of idiots and racists.  Sometimes, in my lowest moments, I think "I have to put up with people who are scary insecure because I wouldn't have friends otherwise" and old me with the crazy hats singing TMBG gives me a look as if to say "seriously, y u that pathetic".

So I'm going for writing again until my brain gives out.  I may be afraid to speak - actually, not afraid, but if I want people to not spit on me on sight, I have to keep my mouth shut - but I have to have somewhere to empty the basket of language that I'm carrying around, spilling over, trying to stumble along and clutch the larger words and phrases to my chest while I carry this heavy basket precariously balancing in my hand, awkward and confused and struggling.  It'd be nice if someone was there to help me but I can't hold my breath waiting for people who say that they'll help and they don't.  All I'll get is winded, gasping for breath, and still have all that shit I need to do.

It's not that I have low expectations of people, it's that people have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the only thing they're good for is just light talking, not doing or serious shit, so the doing will be left up to me.  It always annoys me when someone says "you can't do it all" because hell, I'd LOVE not do it all but that's just impossible because people can't be there for you when you really need them.  The worst part about life and shit is that the reality of all of this is that you can only count on yourself because that's the only consistant in your life.  And if you're going to be fucking insecure about it, no thanks.  I hate hanging my shit on other people's hooks but sometimes the temptation is there because other people seem to think that that's okay but when it comes to me, all I get is the "oh, no time for you" and well fuck it, if I'm going to be alone, I'm gonna do that shit properly.  Sure, I'm just there for you to unload, but I've got it all in my head and nowhere to go, and I've given up trying to make people understand the whole concept of "give and take" and well, might as well talk about shit that don't mean anything anymore, right?  Why even start, when it will end quickly?

And speaking of, I probably should at least begin my work.  Hopefully this bad mood of "FUCK EVERYTHING" goes away.

This Was Inevitable

So it's over.

You remembered my birthday two years in a row.  Why you forgot this year, I don't know.  But that hurt.  I would say that hurt almost as much as demanding to be taken to the hospice to see my dying aunt but only almost because it isn't as dire or serious.  You had a million chances to come with me when I did her laundry every week and see her before she passed away but you did not take them because you wanted to sleep.

I can't stand by and watch you defeat yourself.  Perhaps you do need therapy.  Maybe you don't.  I don't know.  I know your medications cause you to forget things and to sleep a lot, but seriously, 5 minutes out of your day not to pick up the phone and say "hello"?  Even if it was a day early, I'd be okay with it.  If you hadn't remembered the first two years, I'd be okay with it.  But no.  You fucked up big time, and I'm not as forgiving now, and what's worse, is that I told you that after the thing with my aunt.

Maybe it's time for you to learn that actions have consequences.  Pity that your parents didn't teach you that lesson.  Pity that you didn't learn to be nice to people.  That's not a part of your condition; I know bipolar people and schizophrenic people who've learned manners, even if occasionally they're awkward.

But you?  You don't take the time to care or listen.  And while I hate to say this, no, you do not get to tell black people what's racist or not.  It's up to the person to decide what they're comfortable with.  Asking stupid white questions is one thing, but saying that someone shouldn't find things racist is another.  Build a bridge and get over it.

I'm done.

Seriously?

Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you on the phone.  I feel like it's a fifth grader recounting his day at school, except with crap from the History Channel or Fox News.  It bores me.

*sigh* And he seemed so good...

Open Letter

Dear People On Pinterest,

Just stop.  No, not with the pinning of unfunny jokes and recipes that look like something a cat threw up, but the stupid "yer a hoor" bullshit.  As someone who has occasionally dresses like a slut and has a lot of sex, I would prefer that you keep your jealousies to yourself.  Just because you wear tents and chastity belts doesn't mean I have to, and further more, doesn't mean anyone else has to, either.  If your immediate opinion of me is "stupid whore" when I wear a short skirt and show my ample cleavage, the problem is with you, not me.  You know what you sound like?  That one really drunk guy at the bar who was throwing a fit because no one was paying attention to him and he decided to lean over to one chick who was obviously part of a girls' night out, grabbed her shirt, and loudly proclaimed, "THAT'S A SLUTTY MATERIAL YOU'RE WEARING!"  Yes, you're that guy.

Likewise, can we stop with the "skinny bitches" remarks?  Even though I am no where near a skinny bitch size, I know plenty of skinny bitches, and they're that way because even though you manage not to call them a skinny bitch, it's written all over your face.  Some people won the skinny in the genetics lottery.  Get over it.  In the words of Rosanne Barr, "It's okay to be fat.  So you're fat.  Just be fat and shut up about it."  Also, if you don't want people to call you a "skinny bitch", don't imply that fat is the worst thing you could possibly be.  Many, many things are worse than being fat.  Death of a loved one/pet, splinters, car accidents...I could go on.

In other words, don't be a dick.  Thank you.

Hints

I really hate it when you sit by the supervisor at work. You hear almost everything in a cube farm, even if you're trying to be quiet. But the one thing that should be obvious to everyone is that if you are a supervisor, and you are bitching about an employee, and said employee sits right next to your cubicle, you may not want to bitch about them while they are at their desk. Especially if you say some very specific things that they can hear and reasonably assume that they are the subject of said bitching. At the very least, carry on that conversation elsewhere when said employee promptly comes in at the same time every day.

I guess it's time to dust off the old resume and update it. For the record, I don't care if people bitch about me, but for the love of dog, at least have the decency to do it out of earshot.