I remember being on the bus and talking to a woman. For some odd reason, we got into a conversation about relationships. I was saying how stupid it was to follow that infatuation feeling to the altar, before you get to really know a person. Of course, being afflicted with foot-in-mouth disease, she said, "Well, my husband and I got married after just a few a months. But that was when we were 30." "Oh," I said, "that's not what I'm talking about. When you're older, you should know what you want and go for it, that's far more reasonable then. It's when you're 18 that a person should maybe wait."

I never believed in that clicking thing. Sure, I've been infatuated with people, and fucked with them at my leisure, but really nothing that screamed "love". I didn't click in that way with ExFiancee, but I really did like him, and later loved him, but that took time to love him. And Mr. Asshat, well, I love him like a friend, and hope the best for him.

This is different. Insanely different. Beautifully different. But I'm terrified to know what he thinks, so I don't ask. I'm not ready for that yet. I don't know if I'd ever be ready for that, and if I miss the chance, so be it. That will solely be my fault, and I'm okay with that, no hostilities toward him.

There's a lot I like about him, but there's also some things that kinda worry me. Oddly enough, the OCD doesn't bother me. Well, okay, it does a little, but only when you have to say goodbye three times for it to actually be goodbye and I'm wonked out tired and would like to get to bed. But that's not bad. The main thing is the unemployment. And it's bad here. Unemployment leads to bad things, so I've learned, and it worries me. It really worries me, because it tends to bring out the worst in people. And I have a tendency to bring out the worst in people, so it's doubly bad.

But like I keep telling myself...for as long as it lasts. Because it never lasts forever.