Oddities and Ends

I have come to the realization that I don't give a damn about John anymore. I can't muster up even the slightest interest. He's absolutely boring. Nothing he does is fascinating. That didn't take very long and I'm completely surprised that it happened so quickly. I guess what helped was when I told him how I felt about him. He could have said, "I don't feel that way". He could have said, "Now I don't want to talk to you again". He could have said, "You're just one fucked up bitch". He could have said all three of those things. But no. I was met with silence. He said nothing. He got up and disappeared. For the longest time I wanted to kill him. Now I just don't care where he parks his ugly carcass. He was never smart. He was funny, but his jokes were crude and stupid. I met a few decent guys since then. Hoopdy boy was top on my list...because anyone who's younger than me, is just as sarcastic and silly as I am, and uses the word "hoopdy" was cool in my book.

And then I met The Geek.

But that's too harsh a word for it, really. I know way too many geeks, and not all geeks are alike. This one has struck my fancy. I'm not going to ask him about what he's writing in his little calculator diary, but I have very strong suspicions that it has to do with me. So what should I refer to him as? Trenchcoat? He does wear one (black, of course) but that really doesn't cut it. The Eccentric? My god, I know far too many of those. I suppose I could use his real name but that's out of my comfort zone here on the web. (My real name is Sporkey. Really.) It's more fun and spylike to use pseudonyms. Aahhh....Mr. Blond. Now that amsuses me. But don't tell him that. I wouldn't want to insult him or anything. [Insert giggle here.]

I really like him. He's very intelligent, he's really nice and a bit sweet (but don't let that get back to him that I said that), and he has the proper amount of evil and smart assness (don't tell him that, either - I don't want to leave the impression that he is evil enough). So yeah, I'm smitten. I don't have have enough guts to find out how he feels about me, though. After getting the brush off from John, I don't want to tell anyone a thing about my feelings. What John did really stung. And I don't want it to happen again. But the damnedest thing about this is I think he likes me too -- more than I really realize. He does these incredibly fucking adorable things to me, which in turn makes me like him even more, which pisses me off because I have no idea how much he likes me and I'm too damned chicken to ask. So now my situation is upgraded to a quandry. He says things that make me suspicious enough to make me believe that he likes me. It doesn't help because I'm attracted to him also. I think he's attracted to me but I can never be sure about these things. (HA! goes the little voice in my head. He kissed you, dumbass, so, like, he did that just for shits and giggles?!?!) And I'm afraid it won't last...like I'll wake up and it was only a dream or a hallucenation or something. I just don't know.

Did I ever mention that I hate being a girl?