I am not going to think of you. I am determined not to. It's silly to like you this much. You are a crazy bastard, but that's okay, I've know a few. And the few I've known, well, we were good friends. Partners in crime...

You remind me of someone I used to know, but much better. But really, I'm not going to think of you.

Starting now.

Seriously, I should not have as much fun as I do going through the classic country mp3s. I could pin down exactly why I like them, but that would be to admit something that really should remain a mystery to everyone else, and frankly would be a reason that would reveal my true evil nature.

But that still doesn't mean that I'm not here enjoying this, after the past couple of days that I've been having. Yesterday was pretty bad. It makes me want to buy a screen or something to keep the germ-laden clueless coworker from my cubicle. I know she sneezes all over everything and worse, she'll cough on you. And that's not counting the diarrhea incident that made me want to go home and bleach myself.

And now I'm off to listen to more music.

So I'm going through my mp3 collection of classic country, and "Honky Tonks And You" sounds more like a PSA than a song title. Like, "What You Need To Know About Honky Tonks". Let's see...is that song....?

No, it's not, not that I can see. This song needs to be made. Just like "Audience of One" that I was working on.

There's one awesome thing I love about the bar I go to, and that's the hilarity that ensues. I had forgotten about a couple of stories from the past few years that were hilarious.

Two of them are from my neice's birthday parties. One year, they had it a gymnastics center. Of course, there was the foam pit. I learned a great lesson that day: fleece sweatpants and foam do not mix. About a billion children were jumping into the pit and bouncing right back out. Looks easy, I thought.

I weighed 180. And I was wearing the aforementioned sweatpants. These factors are important.

I jumped in. That was the easy part. As I tried to get out, however, the fleece stuck to the foam, and I kept sinking. And because I was sinking, it got harder to move. I swear to god, I thought I was never going to get out of that pit, almost to the point where I panicking. THANK GOD FOR FIVE YEAR OLDS. One of them was pushing my ass out of the pit, another threw me a rope, and I managed to escape.

Of course, my brother was standing a few feet away and laughing. Thanks, dear brother.

The second one is the birthday at the Inflatable Things place. Because I was hungover, naturally my younger nephew wanted me to come with him. So I'd help him up the slide and slide down the inflatable slide. Being heavy isn't bad, especially by the end of the party, where I decided to jump at the end of the slide, thereby catapoulting children onto the slide, but they didn't so much as slide as tumble down. At some point though, I was in a bounce house, bouncing around. The hangover hadn't quite worn off yet, and on one particular jump, I tripped a little, and bounced right into the netted wall of the thing - nearly taking it with me, toppling it over. I let out a horrified scream. But the wall bounced me right back to the middle and it remained upright.

The other brother saw that and was laughing. "I wish I had a camera for that!" Thanks, brother. I'm sure you wanted your daughter's party to end with a trip to the ER. That, and I think I need to get new brothers.

The really awesome one was the State Fair story with the mylar. The theme was weddings, and we had a ton of mylar hanging from the ceiling. When we took it down, I grabbed some and then wrapped myself in it. Then I stood on a push cart like I was the Statue of Liberty and my cousin wheeled me around.

I mention it because I think I'm gonna do that for Halloween. Now to get ahold of a big roll of mylar...

I'm really fascinated by projections on buildings. It's really amazing, and I wonder what it's like to see that in person. It's pretty cool.

I keep thinking about you. Why, I don't know. You are crazy. Gainfully employed, but crazy. I hope you made it okay, I'm a little worried that you might have fallen asleep somewhere and didn't wake up. So maybe I'll text you later. Or not. I don't know.

But anyway, I do hope you call me when you get back. You are hilariously crazy.

Wow.

I got a call. I tried not to lick my phone in excitement.

Now, to call back, and try not to sound very stupid about missing the call at 1 am. I think that's gonna take the better part of a day to think of something that doesn't make me sound like the dork I am.

Oh, but I will call back. I'm determined now.