The Baby Jesus Wails

Santa: First Strike!

COMING THIS CHRISTMAS:  It's been a long, hard summer as the elves toil mercilessly under the benevolent fist of Old Man Santa.  As winter sets in, so do the looming 20 hour days and cold, harsh air.  The underlying hostility of years past takes a stunning and dramatic turn this year when Santa begins to outsource his more lucrative jobs in order to fill some dubious "nice" orders.  The elves grow increasingly agitated and talk of unionizing permiates the workshop.  Santa, on the other hand, has some ideas of his own....

You don't want to miss this action-packed movie from the North Pole!!  Starring Jack Nicholson as Santa, Samuel L. Jackson as Inspector Elf #39, and Danny Devito as Eddie Elf, Julianna Moore as Mrs. Claus, with appearances by Christopher Walken, Robin Williams, and Conan O'Brien.

(I must say, God Bless Texas.  And I really don't want to know if you can buy that here in Wisconsin.)