Crazier than you.

I'm waiting for you to call, because at this point, I'm an ENTIRE CLOTHESLINE to the wind. I'm debating with myself telling you the truth - a harsh truth that only two other people know. It's something easy to mask, in talking with other people and not like having a relationship and stuff. It depends on how far you really want to take this - not far, and you won't know, but far, and you really damn well should. And I won't be offended if you don't sign up for the hell ahead. In fact, if you don't, that's cool with me, because you have to want it to be with me, long-term, caring and whatnot, that's totally awesome, and I don't have to deal with telling anyone.

I don't want to tell you because you might run away, but I wouldn't blame you. Hurt, yeah, but well, such is life. Which is why I don't have long term relationships anymore.

This is hilarious.

Kinda interesting.

The Stars Down to Earth from Reel 13 on Vimeo.

How to be a hipster.

It's a rather amusing article.

I saw this a while ago, but didn't post it here. I really like this video.

Do You Want To Live Forever? - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Spider from Qoob TV on Vimeo.

It would have been great, to have you there, to protect me from being hit on. You know, if I invite you to join me, it's not necessarily a money thing, you can just order soda, having you there would mean the world to me, and stop creepy men from hitting on me.

But you have a thing about that. And on some level I understand, on many others, I do not. It's not the drinking, it's not the paying for you, it's not anything like that. I do not offer what I cannot afford. And if you're not drinking, they'll pretty much give you a soda for free, especially if it's me we're talking about. But still. It would have been nice if you had been there, more so the company than anything else...but I'm not that important, I see. You have a mental thing that you must follow, and it doesn't factor in that maybe I enjoy spending time with you a great deal, and that I want to spend my free time with you. So I have to deal with it, though I don't want to, and your good friend doesn't understand this, because he doesn't understand a lot of things, this being one of them.

I wanted you to be there, drinking or not, just for the sake of having you there. And that hurts, when you're not there for a reason that's totally dumb. It hurts, and I can't help that, but that helps me get over you, this "smittenness" because nothing ever lasts forever, and well, this will be one of those things. But I know that all good things come to an end, as will whatever we have now, and I'm not dumb about it. It's why I don't want to have relationships, why I don't want "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", why I want to be free to do anything I want. Because then I can put up with the bullshit. Like tonight. Really, I don't care at this point.

I truly give up. It doesn't matter anymore, does it? I can say what I want, but it never erases the thousands of years of conditioning by culture. And for that, I'm jumping off of a bridge and cursing the culture. It would drive me to do this.

This is a really fucking awesome story.

I don't know why I dream about you, but I do. I have to fight the feeling to hoard you and not share you with anyone else, such is the way I feel about you, but I know that you have friends and other stuff going on that you need to attend to, and I make myself be patient because I really do want to spend every waking moment with you. I know myself well enough to know that the intensity goes away, so I try not to make a fool of myself, because I just don't want to, again, for the fourth time, evermore. So I'm reserved and cautious, waiting for that moment when the intensity goes away to know how I really feel about you, because there's intensity, and there's what comes after, and well, I'm cautious sort. If it lasts, it lasts, or it doesn't, and I'm trying not to concern myself with it, to think of the moments that I don't want to have, just to steel myself in case it happens, so that I can be a better human being and not do something rash or self-destructive as I'm wont to do.

This will be hilarious.

I think I am "still drunk". And I'm going into work and leaving early.

I will miss Zombie, but only for the week that I'm gone. But I'll be back.

Hopefully.

So I'll be off to Seattle in a few days. This will be so much fun.

If nothing goes anywhere with Zombie, I'm okay with that. But at least I'd made a friend to hang out with, to replace the one that's leaving, and in an eerie sort of way.

Anyway, onto new things. Fearless for the future.

I must confess
that it was pure deception
on the part of my eyes
in the corner of my smile
to invite you in
for I had an ulterior motive;
my intentions,
I assure you
were not altogether pure,
but not as licentious
-surprisingly-
as I wanted to be.
All I wanted
was a scent upon my pillow
so that in the lonely night
I could hug my pillow tight
and drift to sleep
with thoughts of you.